Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
