I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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