i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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