i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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