Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
