I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I yelled at your uterus for you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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