he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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