I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
