Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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