i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
