I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
These tits shall not be calmed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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