At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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