Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
