she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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