i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
