now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
