Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
of course. lets lasso hookers.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
