are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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