Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
