using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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