I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
