Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
