You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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