I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
