You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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