Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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