she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need a beard to bite.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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