Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
