Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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