So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
