You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm having to shit out rocks
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
