Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
