Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
