she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
