What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
