R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
