you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
