She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
