Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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