My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
