im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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