M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
