he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This house was built for laser tag.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Damn victory sex feels great
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
