thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
