ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
