I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
