Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
