yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
