What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
