the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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