the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this boner is exhausting
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
