I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
