What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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