Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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