we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
