I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
